The world loves a mid-year review. It loves spreadsheets and metrics and before-and-after photos. It loves the question, “Are you where you thought you’d be by now?“ as if life is just a sat-nav where you typed in a destination six months ago and anything other than an on-time arrival is a wrong turn.
I am so tired of that question.
I do not want to know if I am where I thought I would be. I want to know if I am where I need to be. Those are very different questions.
One measures progress.
The other measures presence.
This week, we are not reviewing our goals. We are checking on the person behind the goals. The one nobody asks about. The one who keeps the wheels turning while something inside her is asking, very quietly, whether those wheels are even going in the right direction.
The Difference Between a Review and an Audit
I spend a good portion of my working hours immersed in financial reporting, budgets and project oversight. I know the exact rhythm of a rigorous audit.
A review asks: What did I accomplish? An audit asks: What is true?
A review looks at the list. An audit looks at the woman holding the list.
A review can be performed. You can make it sound good on paper. You can cherry-pick the wins, reframe the losses and walk away feeling like the first half of the year was highly productive.
An audit cannot be performed. It requires complete transparency. The kind that makes your pen pause mid-sentence. The kind where you write something down, stare at it and realize: I have never actually said that out loud.
That is what we are doing this week. Not a review. An audit. A quiet, honest, one-word-at-a-time look at where you actually are right now.
“Search me, God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalm 139:23-24
David’s prayer was not “God, look at what I’ve done.” His prayer was, “God, look at what is true.”
That is our prayer this week.
The Six-Month Soul Check
Open your journal. Write today’s date then answer each of these prompts with the very first thing that comes to mind not the right answer, not the spiritual answer, not the answer you would give if someone from church was reading over your shoulder.
The real answer. Just one word.
- My heart feels:
- My body feels:
- My faith feels:
- The relationship that needs attention is:
- The thing I have been avoiding is:
- The thing I am most grateful for from January to now is:
- The thing I need to grieve that I have not grieved is:
- The prayer I keep praying is:
- The prayer I have stopped praying is:
- The woman I am becoming is:
That last one. Sit with that one. Read it back to yourself. Because in just one word you described the direction of your life not the destination. The direction. That direction is what truly matters in the second half.
The Timeline Exercise
Here is a second exercise if the one-word audit stirred something within you and you want to go a little deeper.
Draw a simple, straight line across your page. On the far left, write “January me.” On the far right, write “July me.”
Place a mark on the line exactly where you feel you are not where you should be not where your January self expected you to be. Where you actually are standing today in your body with your heart.
Then write one sentence about the distance between the two marks. What does the gap hold?
Maybe the gap holds a grief you did not plan for. Maybe it holds a beautiful surprise you could never have imagined. Maybe it holds six months of quietly showing up that nobody applauded but God saw every single day.
The gap is not failure. The gap is simply life. Life does not move in a straight line from January to December it circles it spirals it backtracks it pauses and sometimes the most important ground you will ever cover is the space between who you were and who you are becoming.
The Question Nobody Asks
There is one more question I want to leave with you this week. It is the question that mid-year reviews never seem to ask. The question that our modern productivity culture has absolutely no space for. The question that might just be the most important one of all.
How is your soul?
Not your schedule. Not your bank account. Not your fitness goals. Not your marriage. Not your career. Not your ministry.
Your soul.
That invisible, eternal, desperately important part of you that sits beneath everything else. The part that talks to God at 3am. The part that cries in the car. The part that knows even when your logical brain disagrees that you were made for so much more than mere survival.
How is she?
Write her a letter if you can. Start with: “Dear soul, I have not checked on you in a while. Here is what I see…”
She has been waiting for you to ask.
With grace,
Debbera