The Quiet NO
In our lives as women, friends and partners, our “yes” often comes easily.
“Yes, I can help.” “Yes, I’ll be there.” “Yes, I can take that on.”
We are so good at giving.
But what happens when our “yes” to everyone else becomes a “no” to ourselves?
We become weary-souled. We feel stretched thin. We feel resentful. We feel overwhelmed.
Our quiet time with God is usually the first thing to be pushed aside. We are simply too tired to show up.
A Boundary is Not a Wall
We know we “should” have better boundaries. But the word itself can feel harsh. It feels like a tall, brick wall.
The fear of disappointing someone is paralyzing. The fear of being seen as “selfish” can be overwhelming. We worry about letting people down.
But consider this.
What if a boundary isn’t a loud act of rejection? What if it is a quiet act of self-preservation?
A thoughtful “no” is one of the most spiritual, faithful things you can do.
Jesus often withdrew from the crowds. He stepped away to rest. He went alone to pray. He knew His limits.
Your “no” isn’t selfish. It is a way of protecting the sacred energy God has given you. You protect it so you can pour it into what truly matters.
Your Journal as a Rehearsal Space
Your journal is the private, safe space where you can figure out what needs protecting.
It’s where you can practice saying “no” on paper. You can untangle your guilt. You can find the quiet “yes” you are trying to make space for.
yOUR pROMPTS
Prompts for Finding Your Boundaries
Use these prompts to explore where you need to draw a line.
- The Resentment Clue: “When this week did I feel a jolt of resentment? When did I feel my ‘cup’ emptying? What was I doing? What had I just said ‘yes’ to?”
- The Fear of “No”: “If I were to say ‘no’ to this request, what am I REALLY afraid of? (Disappointing them? Being disliked? Feeling guilty?)”
- The Sacred “Yes”: “What is the more important, quiet ‘yes’ I am protecting with this ‘no’? (for example, ‘Yes’ to my family’s peace. ‘Yes’ to my own health. ‘Yes’ to my quiet time with God).”
- The Practice: “What is one small, kind way I can phrase this ‘no’? (for example, ‘I don’t have the capacity for that right now.’ ‘I can’t. But thank you for thinking of me.’)”
yOUR aCTION pOINT
Your Action Point: A “Permission Slip to Pause”
You don’t have to say “no” right away. Your action this week is to stop saying “yes” immediately.
- Pause. The next time someone asks you for something (big or small), give a new answer.
- The Script. Say: “Can I get back to you on that? I need to check a few things.”
- Reflect. Take that request to your journal. Use the prompts above.
This simple pause is your boundary. It is the sacred space you need. Ask yourself and God if this is truly your “yes” to give.
With care, Debbera
